Monthly Archives: May 2013

Letter to a Men’s Helpline

I really need your advice on a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.
I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat.
When she came home she got out of someone’s car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?
Jim

It Was Five Years Ago

newsletterMy wife and I have been on at least 25 cruises, in some years taking as many as three. Back in 2001 we started having “Extended Family Cruises” every couple of years, the first booking 53 cabins and about 120 family and friends going.

In early 2008, we’d planned another family cruise for the summer. A week before we went Hurricane Katrina hit, and the ship we were originally booked on was leased by the government for New Orleans refugees – the so travel agent scrambled to booked us on another ship. The day before we were to leave, there were three Hurricanes in the Gulf — and so many (the smart ones) bailed out going on the cruise. Just the same, we still had about 50 people in 20 cabins.

On these cruises, the cabin steward makes up your cabin while you’re at dinner, and will leave a white Newsletter with blue print on your bed. This Newsletter tell you about the ship’s plan for the next day and will introduce you to the ship’s personnel. I decided to make a mock newsletter to freak out my friends. I printed 50 copies (this was before half bailed) and on the first night of the cruise (at about 2:30AM) I slid a copy of the mock newsletter under the doors of our 25 cabins — and put the rest under another 25 random doors.

In the morning for breakfast — the whole ship was freaking out from rumors — which literally took the whole week to clear up. The ship security personnel did question some people trying to find out who had done it — but I skated Scott Free. The below is a link to the PDF file used to print the Newsletter. You have to remember that five years ago people were freaking out more about Terrorists, and hurricanes when you read it.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE NEWSLETTER

We did run through storms and there were barf bags taped to the railings every 10′. We got back just in time to get off Galveston Island before Hurricane Ivan hit it. We were about the only ones on the road racing (at 100MPH) to get back home before the storm hit.

As we were getting off the ship, there were people actually getting on. Galveston was wiped out and not only did all of those people parked at the terminal have their vehicles swept into the Gulf — but the ship couldn’t come back for another week. It hung out around New Orleans (with some sick, scared, and pissed passengers), and finally went to Corpus Chrisit to let people off there. They were bussed to Houston as the bridge to the Island wasn’t opened yet — and they didn’t have anything left there anyway.

My sister recently sent me a copy of my Newsletter — and I thought I’d share.

Barry Nats – Sponsor Report

Sponsor Report

The Barry Nats

Dave Schultz – May 20, 2013

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

This was a first time Nostalgia race & show held last weekend in Memphis, TN. The NSS racers refer to it as the "Barry Nats" because Barry Camp was responsible for the NSS Class of the race — but a shout out should go to Jimmy Ray for all of his involvement with details, sponsor, and the Driver's Dinner on Friday night.

My wagon was still waiting for another head gasket to finish putting the engine together after a freshen up following a issue during qualifying in Atlanta — so the Vitamin C (our backup car) was again pressed into action for this non-points race. Dallas was driving the Big Red Ram.

We left Thursday at 6Am and drove through the remnants of a bad storm that tore up the Fort Worth area the night before. We arrived at the track at 6PM. It rained all night and until about noon Friday. The track was dried and went hot at about 3PM, and we were able to make a Time Trial and a pair of Qualifying passes. Saturday we made two more Qualifying hits at noon and 2PM, and then went into Eliminations at 4:30.

 

Dallas Qualified 8 and I qualified 11 of 22 cars. Dallas won his first two rounds, but Barry Camp has his number this year — and took him out in the third. My guy was running too fast — so my plan was to push him to break out and give him the stripe at the last minute. It was a good plan, and I gave him 5' — but my light sucked worse than his (by.020) and I should have given him 7'-8'. We had a double break out with his 10.967 to  my 10.961 on a 11.0 Index. I'd been chopping the tree down on Friday, but couldn't cut a good light on Saturday. It turns out my slicks on the backup car were bald and each 60' was worse than the one before, which I'm sure had a little to do with it — but I really was just having one of those days on the tree when you need .025 or less to win against these guys.

Below are some photos I took on my cell phone of the event. They're far from good quality — but you might enjoy seeing what was at the event just the same.

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

Photos from my cell phone -- so they suck. But still worth taking for the m

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Girls on Fox News

Worst Movie Ever

2AM Phone Call

Kim Un’s Mother’s Day Tweet

Hellro…
Today I go rabor camp, visit mom who now 77 year old…
Her been good in camp, I gonna take off 20 year her time so ownree 25 year more in camp.
Best son evah is me, Kim, Supleme Reader all Kolea.

Trick Question?

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How Times Have Changed

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Camping World Sucks!!!

I’m done walking through their doors — at least after I pick up my generator and take somewhere else.

I swear — the last five or six times I’ve been down there I’ve walked back out completely dissatisfied and without what I came there for. Mostly simple items that they should stock — and that I’ve indeed found down the street from them.

Exactly a year ago I bought a portable suitcase sized Honda generator from the Katy, TX store for $1000 — and was talked into buying a 2-year extended service contract that would swap out my generator if something went wrong with it.

EU2000 companion 10-31-12LARGE

http://www.campingworld.com/honda/

This item qualifies for Product Protection coverage! Protect Your Generator! Product Protection eliminates out-of-pocket expenses and protects against costly product repairs or replacement. We’ll cover 100% parts and labor for up to two years following the expiration of your manufacturer’s warranty. Warranty service is available at any Camping World location or at one of the 52,000 service centers across the U.S.

So I rarely use this generator — and have it as a backup for my motorhome when were on the road racing — but when I last tried to use it, the motor runs and the generator doesn’t work. On 5/2/13 I take it to the Camping World — and a Service writer by the name of Austin Goodwin asked me if I had an appointment. I tell him that it is less than two cubic feet in size — why would I need an appointment to drop it off? He takes it and tells me that they’ll look at it and call me that afternoon — but will most likely just swap it out.

I never get a call on 5/2, and so I called back on 5/6 and leave a voice mail. That call was never returned and on 5/9 I call and Austin tells me that their guy looked at it and can’t figure it out — and that I’ll need to pick up and take somewhere else. I remind him that not only does the Honda site list the Katy service center as an authorized Honda service center — but that they’d bent me over for and extended warranty — and that Camping World’s site says to take it there. He replied that the Internet is mistaken that they don’t repair Honda, and that I never had an appointment too bring it in the first place.

Don’t buy Honda generators and don’t buy from Camping World. They’re run by idiots and they lie (when selling extended warranties).

The Foundation the USA is Built On

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Flyboys Then and Now

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Old Hippie’s Cookbook – Great Recipes

The below recipe is but one of 100s unusual recipes that you will find in the Old Hippie’s Cookbook Forum. Check them out — add your own to the cookbook.

Ingredients:
3 cups very cold rum or vodka, flavored is okay (I put mine in the freezer for a couple hours)
6 teaspoons plain unflavored gelatin
6 3-oz packages of jell-o, we used grape, berry blue, lime, pineapple, orange, and cherry
1 1/8 cup vanilla yogurt
water
cooking spray

Lightly spray bundt pan with cooking spray, wipe out excess. Place 3/4 cup water in saucepan, sprinkle one teaspoon unflavored gelatin over it, let sit for a minute or two, heat on medium-low stirring constantly with whisk until dissolved, about 5 minutes. Add first package jell-o, whisk in until thoroughly dissolved, about 2 minutes, remove from heat, stir in 1/2 cup cold alcohol, pour 3/4 cup jell-o mixture into mold, place mold in refrigerator. After 10-15 minutes place rest of jell-o mixture into bowl, place in refrigerator 5 minutes. Take bowl out, add 3 tablespoons vanilla yogurt and whisk thoroughly, gently add to bundt pan, place back in refrigerator.

Wash all your utensils and start over with next flavor, as the pan chills more and the layers get thinner it will go faster to add next layer, if it feels slightly tacky to the touch it is ready. If it’s not set enough the layers will “bleed” through, it it sits too long the layers will come apart. When you add the last layer refrigerate at least overnight, with clean hands pull jell-o away from the edges of the pan, dip almost to top into a container or sink of warm, not hot, water for 10 seconds, remove and jiggle pan, if it looks like it’s coming away from the edges it’s ready, if not, dip again for a few seconds. Place serving plate upside down over top, invert, and voila. A beautiful, delicious, impressive dessert!

Sinko de Mayo

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For me Sinko de Mayo is truly a day to celebrate. Few people have come to know the “true” story of the origin of Sinko de Mayo. It is my pleasure to set the record straight.

A little known fact is that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico but as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.

The ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course as Sinko de Mayo. Go out on this day grab a couple of slices of Wonderbread and a jar of Hellman’s mayonnaise and have a party. You know I will!