Rejected Hallmark Card Poems

1.  So your daughter’s a hooker,
and it spoiled your day…
Look at the bright side,
she’s a really good lay.

2.  My tire was thumping….
I thought it was flat….
when I looked at the tire….
I noticed your cat… Sorry

3.  You had your bladder removed
and you’re on the mends….
here’s a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

4.  You’ve announced that you’re gay,
won’t that be a laugh,
when they find out you’re one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

5.  Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
‘Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

6.  Heard your wife left you…
How upset you must be…
But don’t fret about it  ….
She moved in with me

7.  Your computer is dead…
it was once so alive
Don’t you regret installing
Windows 95?

8.  You totaled your car…
and can’t remember why…
could it have been…
that case of Bud Dry?