All posts by Old Hippie

Police At The Door

The old man goes to answer a knock at the door one evening only to find two sheriff’s deputies standing there.

“Sir, are you married?” One deputy asked.

“Why yes,” the old man replied “for 48 years.”

“Do you have a photograph of your wife sir?” the second deputy questioned.

The old man pulled a picture out his wallet and handed to the officers. They sadly looked it over and handed it back to him.

“Sir, I’m sorry but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”

The old man says, “I know son, but she’s got a wonderful personality and she’s a great cook.”

MoparWiki Gets a Home Page Redesign

Example of a MoparWiki

Our Mission
The MoparWiki has the goal of ultimately being the single best source for All Things Mopar. Makes, models, people, platforms, components, racing — anything Mopar. This is to be accomplished by the collaboration with anyone wishing to improve a MoparWiki with facts or editing for style.
Abut MoparWiki
The engine that runs the MoparWiki is the same engine used for the very popular Wikipedia. It allows for anyone to start an appropriate article, and for others to collaborate on the improvement of it. We try to follow a uniform format for consistency. You can get to a MoparWiki of a specific topic by typing the topic in the search box to the left — or clicking on a link in another MoparWiki. There are links for a random page, recently updated, or help. Please take a few moments to read further — and to browse around. We hope you will assist us with collaborating on existing MoparWikis, from adding appropriate facts (and your reference source) or cleaning up the text and styling.
www.MoparWiki.com

Definition of Ironic:

The food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of Agriculture, asks us to “please do not feed the animals” because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.

$100Million

That’s how much taxpayer’s money has gone to pay the legal fees of the crooks that ran Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — because they have legal fees written into their contracts.

Do you think that money is well spent?

Mopar Platform Reference

Mopar Body Platforms

If you would like to learn more about the various Mopar Platforms that Chrysler, Dodge, Plymouth, and Eagle cars were based on — then use the below links to navigate to the various Body topics on www.MoparWiki.com.

The MoparWiki has the ultimate goal of being the best reference for all things Mopar. This is done through collaboration of all willing to help improve the topics by adding information they have and citing a reference. Your help is welcomed.

J/A Body on MoparWiki
P/L Body on MoparWiki
L-Body on MoparWiki
S-Body on MoparWiki

J-Body on MoparWiki
M-Body on MoparWiki
LH-Body on MoparWiki
G-Body on MoparWiki
R-Bodies on MoparWiki

D-Body on MoparWiki

LC-Body on MoparWiki
LX-Body on MoparWiki
K-Car on MoparWiki
F-Body on MoparWiki
E-Body on MoparWiki
A-Body on MoparWiki
B-Body on MoparWiki
Magnum on the MoparWiki
C-Body on MoparWiki
Aero Mopar on MoparWiki

Net Worth Calulation Tool

Free Personal Net Worth Excel Template

http://www.daveschultz.com/PDF/networthsrcn500.jpg

My finances are quite complicated, and after a close friend of mine died leaving his family clueless on where the money and investments were at — I created an Excel workbook that makes it easy to track you net worth, car insurance and registration expiration dates, investments, life insurance, with account numbers and contacts, etc.

I've been using it for a couple of years and find it very helpful. Monthly I put the ending balances from my bank accounts, credit card debt, brokerage statements, etc. It quickly gives you an idea of where you stand, and can help your heirs sort your finances out upon your death. I've blanked out my data and posting the file of the template here on-line for any of my friends to use. I've used it with Excel versions from 2003 to 2010.

Click Here to Download this Excel Template to track your Personal Networth.

Parting out 1960 Plymouth

Parting Out 60 Plymouth 4-Door

Katy/Richmond Texas Area

I'm parting out this 60 Plymouth 4-door. It is a Texas car that has spent a good part of its life outside. There is a lot of surface flash — but very little (if any) rust-through. Many good body parts. Doors, hoods, fenders, fins, motor, transmission, trim,…..

Email me what you are interested in — and I'll email you back a photo of the part and a price. I sell the entire car before it gets too much stripped off for $1500 — but it is missing the left front spindle. I prefer local people to come pick their part, but will remove parts if needed. I won't crate and ship big parts — but I will have a Hot-Shot take it to Height's Crating for the $50 they'll charge me. You can arrange with Height's Crating the cost of crating and shipping to you. They do ship overseas. Obviously you are free to send your own transport (many car haulers will pick up when in my area, and drop off when in your area) people to come and get the big uncrated parts.

Email Dave with your needs and we'll see if we can work something out. I also have a 2dr hard top that I'll sell as a complete parts car — or you can restore. $2500 firm, and I will not part.

The hardtop is rough but restorable, and restored 60 Hardtops go for a ton.

Pass this along to anyone who you think might be interested.

Shop Rat Wanted

Race Shop Rat Wanted

Katy/Richmond Texas Area

mickeyrat.jpg

A race shop in the Richmond/Katy Texas area is in need of a shop Rat for part time employment. Primary duties are to keep the shop clean, and secondary duties include cleaning race cars and trucks, and light maintenance.

There is a lot of opportunity to learn how to work on these cars as experience progresses. Opportunity to turn into a full time position. Starts with 5-hour work days Monday through Friday for $7.25hr. Wage, hours, and duties progress at the rate of the ability of the employee demonstrates. I might consider making this a 3-hour after school job for a local high school Senior looking for employment after high school. Would also consider the right (physically able) retiree looking for a little extra income to supplement his Social Security. Racing experience or CDL a plus — but not a requirement.

This is a perfect position for an honest, dependable and hard working person who would like to work in a race shop and on drag racing cars. We treat this as a serious position and have a low tolerance for being late, missing work, or goofing off.

If you are interested — send me an email telling me about yourself and why you would be the person we'd want to fill this position with.
Email Dave

Pass this along to anyone who you think might be interested.

Chairman Obama Your Timeline

Chairman Obama on Your Facebook Timeline

Obama wants you to "Barrack Your Timeline" with one of his banners advocating that you are one of his mindless minions.

http://www.chairmanobama.com/images/barrackmytimeline.jpg

ChairmanObama.com has developed a Facebook Timeline Banner for those of you wishing to have an alternative.

http://www.chairmanobama.com/images/FBscreen600px.jpg

Instructions to add banner to your Facebook Profile:

  1. First you have to ensure you've enabled Timeline on Facebook. They have the simple instructions there.
  2. Click here to have the banner open in your browser
  3. Right-click and save to your computer — remembering where you saved it
  4. On Facebook upload banner from your computer

The below is a smaller version of the full size. Use the above instructions to get the full size.

http://www.chairmanobama.com/images/Facebook-ChairmanObama600.jpg

 

Taxes

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he’s fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid…

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
‘Taxes drove me
to my doom…’

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the heck happened? Can you spell ‘politicians?’

Liberal & Conservative Divorce Proposal

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressives, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations; but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don’t like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.

10. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, PBS and Hollywood

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

13. We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

17. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.

18. We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”

19. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya,” or “We Are the World”.

20. We’ll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall

Law Student and an American

P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S..: And you won’t have to “Press 1 for English” when you call our country.