Category Archives: Humor

Liberals Moving To Texas Could Die

Thinking about moving to Texas from California, Illinois, or New England, considered the different ways you can die in Texas.

First we’re all armed, but that will most likely keep you safer. However, Texas is littered with animals that want to kill you, and if you didn’t grow up here, you aren’t going to be prepared to survive.

Texas has millions of Cotton Mouths, Copperheads, Rattlers and Coral Snakes – all of which can kill you.

Texas has African Killer Bees, the meanest hornets in the world, Black Widows, Brown Recluse Spiders, Wolf Spiders and Tarantulas – all that kill you.

Texas has Coyotes, Wild Dogs, Feral Hogs, Wolves, Mountain Lions/Cougars, Panthers and Bobcats – all that can kill you.

The Texas Gulf Shores has about every breed of shark known to man cruising up and down the coast, Lion Fish, Sting Rays, Sea Snakes and Portuguese Man of War – that can kill you.

Our ponds and swamps are filled with gators that feed on 300 pound deer (which will also kill you) – and they’ll kill you. We have huge Blue Channel Cats – and they will kill you.

As many people who have died of all of that in Texas, more people actually die from our special breed of Fire Ants than any other wild animal. I have millions of Texas Fire Ants on my 5 acres. They’re bad enough when its hot and dry. It takes almost a year from the scars from their bites on my feet to go away. Fortunately I’m not allergic to them, or I’d died 100s of times since the late 50s. However, when it rains hard in Texas, a group or rafting Fire Ants will cause you a slow and painful death before eating every piece of meat on you.

So you can see that Liberal Pussies don’t stand a chance in Texas. You’re gonna die. It is best to just stay in your State Sanctioned Safe Spaces, and not travel to Texas. You just haven’t been properly prepared as a child on how to look for and survive all of the things that will kill you.