I originally posted this on my web site after William the Impeached won re-election in 1996
I have learned during the campaign that I am viewed by the media as a “Bad American”. Therefore I confess my new status:
1. I don’t care about appearing compassionate.
2. I don’t think playing with toy guns makes you become a killer.
3. I own hand guns, rifles, and shotguns and it’s not any of your business.
4. I believe liberal “Democrat” politicians are liars.
5. I think I am better than homeless bums.
6. I don’t think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
7. I’ve never owned or been a slave; I didn’t wander 40 years in the desert after getting kicked out of Egypt; I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you so, stop trying to pass out undeserved guilt trips.
8. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you do it in English. America’s language is English. Learn it or leave.
9. I don’t like MTV nor do I want comedians of little note telling me about football.
10. I know what the definition of lying is. So does Bill Clinton.
11. I know that newspaper reporting is inaccurate, biased, and often times, fiction.
12. I define television news as “bizarre events” presented to mindless viewers by unprepared clowns.
13. I think “hate crime” legislation is drivel. No minority, homosexual, disabled, foreign, or any other differentiated group has any more social value than I do. If anyone kills anyone, that’s a hate crime and our legal system will deal with it.
14. I believe that turkey bacon will kill you too.
15. I don’t think it takes a village to raise a child. It takes parents who will tell that child, “NO !” and mean it.
16. I paid for it and I don’t care to recycle it. You may do so if you please.
17. I didn’t realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had kids.
18. I think the Taco Bell dog was funny — the name of the product is Mexican food.
19. I like fireworks. Some explosions are cool.
20. I accept that you may listen to stupid and loud music if you want to; but, that doesn’t mean I have to listen to your crap when I’m stopped at a red light.
21. I don’t think being a student provides you with any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or McDonalds.
22. I won’t eat or drink anything with “light” or “lite” or “fat-free” on the package.
23. I believe every student has a right to pray in school.
24. I don’t hate the rich.
25. I don’t pity the poor.
26. I know TV wrestling is faked.
27. I think global warming is bullshit.
28. I still think Barney Fife is funny.
29. I think you can admire and respect women while thinking about having sex with them.
30. I believe that a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell’s Angel with an attitude.
31. I think our cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you’re running away from a burglary at 2:30 in the morning.
32. I think Archie was right; Rob Reiner is a meat-head.
33. I assure you of this. I WILL get even before I let God finish up with you.
34. I like big cars, and big houses, and golf at my private club.
35. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family; not some mid-level clerk with a bad education who wants to give it away to some welfare dependent crack addict.
36. I do not evade taxes but I seriously endeavor to keep the government at their lowest legal level of confiscation.
37. I assure you that Rush is right about most things and the rest is not all that important.
38. I want you to keep honking while I’m re-loading.
39. I believe that Hillary is a bitch and her husband deserves her.
