It was pretty close to 30 years ago that I first posted this on DaveSchultz.com. It is obviously dated, but of some humor to us old people.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken XP, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken XP.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,” Thou shall cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don’t know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
PLATO: For his sake was he went in search of good and harmony .. Across the road is the truth.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of the chicken crossing the road.
KARL MARX: It was physically inevitable.
HIPOCRATES He crossed the road because of excessive secretions in the pancreas.
MOSES: And God came down from the mountain and said to the chicken, ‘cross the road’. So the chicken crossed the road and saw that it was a good act.
NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI: The important thing is that the chicken crossed the road. Who care why? Only the intent to cross the road justifies any reason it would have had.
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you worry about why the chicken crossed the road reveals your strong sense of latent sexual insecurity.
BUDDHA: Asking such thing (why the chicken crossed the road) is to deny your own chicken nature.
GALILEO: And yet he did (crossed the road).
BILL CLINTON: I swear on the constitution that nothing happened between chicken and me.
NEO (Matrix): The chicken does not exist.
DARWIN: Over long periods of time, the chickens have been naturally selected in this way so thwy are genetically disposed to cross roads.
ZEN: The chicken can cross the road in vain, only the Master knows the sound of her shadow behind the wall.
STALIN: You have to shoot the chicken immediately, and also the witnesses of the scene and 10 people chosen at random for failing to prevent that act of crossing the road.
FIDEL CASTRO: The chicken is a deserter for crossing the road but he shall regret it seeing injustices across the road. Then the chicken will come back again and believe me he will do it in tame.