Only in America

I originally posted this on this site in the 90s

1. Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink…

3. Only in America…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America…do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America…do banks leave safe doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America…do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli” in Latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning  “bloodsucking creatures.”

10. Only in America…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America…can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

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