I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (I just turned 59)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’
The doctor responded by asking, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’
‘Oh no,’ I replied . . . ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’
Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’
“I said, ‘Not much since my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’
‘No, I don’t,’ I said.
He asked, ‘Do you gamble, go on vacations or have a lot of sex?’
‘No,’ I said.
He looked at me and said, . . . ‘Then, why do you even give a shit?
A man received the following text from his neighbor
I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn auto-correct. I meant “wifi”, not”wife”.
although I’d settle to just tune the instruments